I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
