thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
