so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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