how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
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