Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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