He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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