Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
