He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Come see our sink grown plant.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
