I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
