listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
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