she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
