Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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