did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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