I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Success! We fucked roommates!
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
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