for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
