Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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