just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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