awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
