suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize