I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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