I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
