sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
