Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Randomize
