does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
