They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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