I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
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