Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
