i would punch a child for taco bell
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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