I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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