Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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