I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
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