Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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