new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
