At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
