Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Dignity is for republicans.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Randomize