i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
