u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
