I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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