How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
