I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
