so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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