An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
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