for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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