I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
