The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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