im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
