I just saw a hot homeless man
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize