'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize