I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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