Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
