I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
