And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
