you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
