Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
