The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
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