youre lurking in front of me
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
