i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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