Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize