when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
