I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize