im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
