I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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