I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Randomize
