well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Randomize
