he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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