Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Randomize
