by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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