He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
